Wrapping Up: NFL Week 17
The NFL regular season has come to a close. This season had its ups and downs but we made it through without expanding the playoffs or having to add an eighteenth week to the schedule. The playoffs are set and the predictions will be raining from the heavens for the next six days. However, that article is coming later in the week. For now, let's talk about how we got to the point we are at.
This version of this article is going to be a little different. Usually, I preface the highlighted games with quick-hitters. However this week I am not going to do that because the games that didn’t matter at all were so boring and forgettable they are not even worth two sentences of discussion. Those teams are dead and gone and should be forgotten about for the next four weeks until we get to the offseason and then we can discuss the breaks off of the swill of the NFL.
Dallas Cowboys 19 - New York Giants 23
LOL. How ‘bout them Cowboys, indeed.
Pittsburgh Steelers 22 - Cleveland Browns 24
This game was a failed two-point conversion from going to overtime. The Browns allowed this game to be way closer than it ever should have been against mostly second-stringers for the Steelers. However, the Browns prevailed and because of that punched a ticket to their first postseason since 2002. Eighteen long years of ineptitude finally come to an end and their reward? They get to play the Pittsburgh starters now! Yes, this week seventeen matchup will also be the wildcard matchup. Did you enjoy it? Want to see it again? No? Neither do I but here we are.
Baltimore Ravens 38 - Cincinnati Bengals 3
This was an absolute stomping of epic proportions. The Ravens made the Bengals look like a college team on Sunday and in doing so they continue this vast wave of momentum going into the playoffs which is very dangerous for any team that has to square up with the Ravens this next week.
Miami Dolphins 26 - Buffalo Bills 56
All the Dolphins had to do was not allow Josh Allen to throw for a million yards. They instead did allow it and now they are on the outside of the playoffs looking in. For their incompetence, they shall be ignored for the rest of this article. The Bills however looked like the second-best team in football. This team looks primed to make a run to the AFC Championship game and if they do, could pose a real threat. This feels like one of those years where the AFC Championship will end up being the real Super Bowl because I think this team would beat any team in the NFC right now, Packers included.
Arizona Cardinals 7 - Los Angeles Rams 18
Win and you’re in, that was the name of this game. The Cardinals got seven points on the first pass from John Wolford and would look lost for the rest of the game. Kyler Murray would go down early and miss over a quarter of playtime but they still looked inept. The Rams looked fine. They didn't look the way they did back when they were 9-4, but they did look like the better team here. The Rams will probably be starting Wolford going forward, however, he looked competent during this game which may be all they need to win a game or two in the playoffs.
Jacksonville Jaguars 14 - Indianapolis Colts 28
This game was vaguely competitive. Honestly, I only list this because the Colts grabbed a playoff spot by winning this game and the Dolphins having lost. Good for the Colts, they will be losing to the Bills in the first round, spoiler alert.
Tennessee Titans 41 - Houston Texans 38
This game was way more fun and exciting than it had any right to be. The Texans refused to go down without a fight and Derrick Henry decided to do what he does against the Texans and blow up for 220 yards bringing his season total to 2,027 yards, making him the eighth guy to do that in a season. The Titans looked amazing on offense in this game, unfortunately, they also have to play defense for roughly half of the games they play and I have a feeling that will be their undoing come wildcard weekend.
Green Bay Packers 35 - Chicago Bears 16
This game was significantly more competitive than this score indicates, sort of. The Bears still make the playoffs due to the Rams getting a win in their game, however, this game showed that the Bears still have some major offensive problems, especially in the red zone. As for this defense, if they are not completely healthy, Chuck Pagano is not good enough to scheme his way to a good performance. The Packers looked great in spurts on the other hand. They scored all of their points in the second and fourth quarters, and their defense still has no answer for a halfway decent run game. That being said, Aaron Rodgers does heal all wounds. The Packers locked up the one seed with this game and will be on bye this week.
Washington Football Team 17 - Philadelphia Eagles 14
I know that I should be trying to keep a certain level of decorum and professionalism when I write these articles as I would like to build a more and more diverse reader base but fuck this game. This was one of the poorest excuses for a football game I have had to watch on a Sunday night in a long time. This game was so bad I turned to the Bulls-Mavericks game that was going on at the same time and had a significantly better time watching that. Luka Doncic wasn’t even playing. I just, I can’t. This game was the worst, Doug Pederson actively tanked during the last NFL game of the regular season, and the Washington offense is so inept they could barely score against an Eagles defense that just gave up almost forty to the sorry Cowboys. Washington is in the playoffs. What a dark moment in NFL history.